I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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