Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
