i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i will never coherently bang her
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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