I puked a lego.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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