you guys were way drunker than both of me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
