i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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