Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I did not marry a roomba.
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