discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
