her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
