You smell like a Billy Joel song
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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