your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
