Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
