I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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