You made me cry and you don't even care
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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