dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
