she was so not down for the gang bang
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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