So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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