in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You can't special order awesome
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
