I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize