I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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