My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
