So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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