Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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