first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
