Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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