I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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