You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
