How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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