That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
