Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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