you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
