16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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