Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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