Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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