Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize