I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
