ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
