I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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