i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
