I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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