You work out of a Hotel?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
