I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
