Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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