Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
