I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
