So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
