just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
