his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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