I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
