So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
