I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How does one acquire holy water?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
