Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
