new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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