A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
