My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
