hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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