she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
