Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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