it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
