i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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