Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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