I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
