Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
