i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
