Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
