someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
