can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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