I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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