i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
