at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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