now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
