wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
