so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
