Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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