Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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