I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize