I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
