i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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